The Traveling Tyrant

Fixing Galactic Problems for the Right Price

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The Mordid School of Management

Posted by Mordid on June 14, 2011 at 10:38 AM Comments comments (3)

-The Mordid School of Management-


There are two basic levers I reccomend for our management team, who by the way should be the only ones reading these files.


The proper and balanced use of FEAR and FALSE PROMISES.


FEAR is a wonderful tool and incredibly nuanced. People in our company are genuinely afraid of General Thrask because he might beat them to death with his club-like and battle-scarred hands. The fear of being hurt is a primal one and thus an excellent tool.


But fear can also work on a more subtle level. While I do threaten to vent someone into the cold, uncaring caress of space, from time to time, I much perfer to use fear in another way. The men of the fleet love me. They love me because I pay them to and routinely lead them to victory and more money. I am the hand that feeds and were I to come to any harm then din-din would be over. The men fear for my safetly. I can't tell you how many times employees of the company have risked their lives to save mine. I could tell by the look in their eye, as that grenaded bounced a bit too close to me, they were utterly afraid of their paycheck exploding. The fear of loss is as fine a tool as the fear of physical pain.


FALSE PROMISES are wonderous things. Promises cost you nothing, but can be made repeatedly. Not fufilling any of your promises is unwise, but the good news is you only need to come through a few times. Once you've done that you can refer back to 'that one time' in the likely event your numerous other promises fall woefully short.


Personally, I have given the, "Remember how I lead you to riches on Galthior speech" dozens of times when something I promised didn't come through. Galthior happened years ago, but the speech has yet to fail me. So, when you command men I highly reccomend that you promise-promise-promise. Oddly enough, you can treat women in the same fashion. I've made all sorts of outrageous claims, and so long as I pull through once or twice, it seems to satisfy them. They ladies cling to the false hope that my promises will come true because one of them did. Isn't it great how what we learn in the workplace can be used in our relationships?

Looking Good Even When You're Bad

Posted by Eryn of PR on June 2, 2011 at 10:17 PM Comments comments (11)

-Looking Good Even When You're Bad-


The difference between criminal activity and brilliance is perception and perception is based on what we see and hear. As head of the Traveling Tyrant's PR division, my job is to make Mordid look good, even when he's bad, or acting like an idiot as he often does. One would think being master of the company would imply a certain level of intelligence, but day by day I do wonder if blind-luck trumps mental aptitude.

Where was I?

Right, looking pretty. It's all about turning a tragedy into triumph. I'll give you an example.

Earth Government Headlines - Vile Upper-Arm mercenaries establish dictatorship on defenseless planet- millions dead, millions enslaved and world-wide devastation.

Dreadful? Not with a little alteration of point of view.

Traveling Tyrant Memo - The riots on Galthior have ended, the rightful government is back in power and the future shows signs of full employment and lots of growth in the construction industry.

So take it from me, turn your actions and your day into a PR celebration of your accomplishments, even if those accomplishments involve acts of barbarism so intense that you wake up every night staring at the ceiling mouthing the words, 'what have I done?'.

On Killing

Posted by Mordid on June 1, 2011 at 9:40 PM Comments comments (2)

-On Killing-

I've often been accused of being an assassin. That I am nothing more than a killer for hire.

Scandalous! I am much more than an assassin. An assassin gets one chance to kill his mark, me? I'm the Traveling Tyrant and with my hordes of moderately paid employees I can try, try and try again to my heart's content. Assassins are also not nearly as spectacular as me.

Imagine this, your enemies wake up to discover one of their comrades has died in his bed under mysterious circumstances. Chilling? Yes. Does it send a message? Yes.

But consider this instead. Your enemies awaken to discover drop-ships screaming out of the sky, my Propaganda Blimps roaming around, and legions of my soldiers blasting everything in sight while armored tanks crush their rose gardens. Chilling? No. Downright frightening. Does it  send a message? No. Why send messages? Kill your opponents under the boots of a thousand Tyrant employees. 

So, I say to my critics, I am not an assassin. Assassins are killers of men, I am a killer of worlds.

-Mordid the Traveling Tyrant-